One Hundred Eleven

Since entering the blogging world I've noticed a fun trend of bloggers making a list of 100 facts (useless, humorous and down-right interesting) about oneself when they reached their hundredth post. I couldn't wait until I reached this seemingly notable milestone in the blogoshpere.

But fate would have it that at my 100th post I felt led to write about the marvelous grace of God and recount how He drew me to Himself.

Now I'm thinking it would be fun to make a list and join the par-tay and just add eleven more to my "list". So, here I go:

1. I love being a wife.
2. I love being a mom.
3. It's not easy being a wife.
4. Or a mom.
5. I shop at the world's largest Costco.
6. I have a desire to grow in godliness but battle laziness and self-sufficiency.
7. Jesus Christ paid my debt and wish I had words to explain how awesome that is.
8. I don't like bees.
9. My husband is a visionary.
10.His latest project is to raise bees.
11. I have no desire to help.
12. His bees died and I was secretly rejoicing.
13. I repented in my heart and told him I was sorry he lost his hives.
14. I'm thinking this list is getting more boring by the second.
15. I will say that I have THE best friends a girl could ask for.
16. God has been ever so kind to bring these godly women into my life.
17. I'm thinking about abandoning this project.
18. Like, right now.
19. Hey, I know. I'll just copy the 111th Psalm. Let's see what that says:

Psalm 111
Great Are the LORD’s Works

1. Praise the LORD!I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart,
in the company of the upright, in the congregation.
2. Great are the works of the LORD,
studied by all who delight in them.
3. Full of splendor and majesty is his work,
and his righteousness endures forever.
4. He has caused his wondrous works to be remembered;
the LORD is gracious and merciful.
5. He provides food for those who fear him;
he remembers his covenant forever.
6. He has shown his people the power of his works,
in giving them the inheritance of the nations.
7. The works of his hands are faithful and just;
all his precepts are trustworthy;
8. they are established forever and ever,
to be performed with faithfulness and uprightness.
9. He sent redemption to his people;
he has commanded his covenant forever.
Holy and awesome is his name!
10. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom;
all those who practice it have a good understanding.
His praise endures forever!

And to that list, all I can say is, AMEN and AMEN!

Biggest Loser

This post is for the ladies.

The other night I was at Jen's house and she read this from her facebook feed,a status that said:
Know any ladies interested in modeling? My sister's company is looking to hire Seattle-area female size medium models who are athletic, fit, tone, and not self-conscious about wearing a sports bra in front of a crowd of 40+ men and women. (Must be at least 5'5" women's size medium, fit, and between ages of 20 and 35). ...
To which she replied: I have the height and age limit down. I TOTALLY fit the description...under a few layers of course. thanks for the good little giggle tonight...at my own expense.

We were laughing so hard. Oh the mental pictures that went through my head thinking of myself sporting my non-fit body. Ain't nobody who wants to see that! Except my sweetie. He is so loving and kind to love me and my fat rolls and doesn't care I have a few stretch marks and a 6 months pregnant-looking bod. Well, I am nursing, so cut that down to five and a half.

My sister (in whom I admire for her self-control and discipline) challenged me a couple of weeks ago to do a weight-loss program with her and my mom. I'm supposed to be counting calories, drinking water, journaling what I eat and exercising. And no, my rebounder doesn't count. Oh, it would if I actually exerted myself, but let's face it, I'm lazy. With a capitol L. It's hard and I don't like to sweat. Needless to say, I haven't done much.

The other day a friend was over and she shared her desire to start exercising and change the way she's feeding her family and wants encouragement and accountability. She had talked with a few of our other friends about starting a "Biggest Loser" type accountability plan. I totally begged to jump on that train.

Well, I got the email tonight that it's going to start. Rats, no more procrastinating. I do need all the help I can get but it's like giving birth. No matter how much you know or how many great coaches, doulas, midwives, doctors, experts you have, in the end, it's all about you and the baby (and the gracious hand of God). No one else can come in and do the hard work for you.

So now I'm mentally preparing to be ready to go on Monday. I had to remind myself that this is not to feed my own vanity. How hard is that going to be? We women want to look good in our clothes and be attractive to our husbands. But as I mentioned before, my sweetie takes me as I am. So if I were to be totally honest, I want to lose weight because of me and how good I will look.

Trying to remember 1 Corinthians 10:31.

I want my life to speak of God's goodness, greatness, love and mercy. Not how good I look in my jeans.

This is going to be so hard.

Pardon the mess...

...while I re-arrange and give my blog a little make-over. I could spend so much time on here but must run. We're leaving the kids (and their tattling and complaining) to Nana and going on a date night. :)

Come back soon!

Hey, what do you think of the new name?

Oh, and one more thing. Can I just say that Jessica over at A Blog to Brag About is awesome!

Emily told me it's not good to brag. :D

Serving With the Right Heart

It always amazes me when I see a mom maintain not only a blog, but a blog about doing things yourself. Like this:

Cute isn't it? But, how does she have the time to maintain a home, raise her kids, love her husband and make burlap wreaths--THEN tell the world about it? Well, I'm sure she would say she doesn't do it all because she is some super-human. I'm slowly seeing that there are many talented women out there that do things differently than me, and not because they have some secret hidden power. I believe they have found their gift, embraced it and use it to the glory of God. Okay, the last is assuming they have moved from appreciating God's common grace into His saving grace. But, the point is, I need to stop looking at other people's gifts with envy and sadness and start praising God for what He has given me, then rejoice and use it.

I posted a facebook status the other day that said: Has a burden to minister in my season of child-rearing. How to balance it all? By God's grace. Romans 1:16. This sparked a lot of thumbs-ups and several comments that reminded me of my first and foremost area of ministry: my children and husband. My kids need to be raised in the truth and knowledge of Jesus Christ. My husband needs my support and encouragement to walk worthy of the Lord. Together, we need to raise our kids with a purpose to make much of God. I can not agree more. This time of having my little ones at home is fleeting and I better not get so involved with the church that I neglect my family.

But, having said that, I also can't get so wrapped in my family that I neglect the church. Though I have four children, I am not too busy to serve. There's a reason for why I think I'm not serving or serving enough. Because I look at what others are doing and I compare my talent to their talent. I have spiritual envy. Instead of rejoicing over the gifts of my fellow brother and sister, I pine for the same talent or sulk at the inability to do it their way. How sinful.

God did not make a mistake when He made us. Each has a unique gift and a season to use it in. As I manage my home I want to be more aware of the little eyes watching me and make sure I am making so much of God, that I become invisible. These little ones will learn more by my actions than my words. So I pray I will become a doer of the word and not a hearer only.

Lord, help me keep this burden to serve continually before you. I need direction and gospel-centered motive so you will be glorified and magnified. Satisfy my longing heart with your steadfast love, grace and mercy. In Jesus' name.

10 years ago I was...

...partying hard. Y2K was in the back of everyone's mind, I was working my up the corporate ladder, I loved living in Portland and I was really happy with my life. I had great friends and thought life could only get better. I spent New Year's back in southern Oregon, where I had grown up, around a bonfire getting drunk and smoking marijuana. Before making my way there, I had stopped off at my local hangout where I danced, drank and handed out "Y2K OK" stickers. These stickers were placed on the computers of the bank I was working at to ensure our customers we were in fact, ready for the millennium and the customer's money was indeed safe. Y2K OK. I sure thought I was okay, but life would never be the same in the year 2000 and would be changed forever.

It didn't take long for me to get a strong dose of reality. In January of this new wonderful start to the 21st century, I was fired from my job. Seriously? Me, get fired? Looking back I can see that I was insubordinate, lazy, disorganized and very prideful. I had come to Portland to open a new bank and I was proud as a peacock. My love for the nightlife that city living offered took control and my performance at work showed I was more interested in partying than being an asset to the company.

I wish I could say that was my only problem. Going to clubs several nights a week isn't cheap. To say I had financial problems is an understatement. I had no concept of money. Before moving to Portland I did not have to pay rent, make a car payment or pay any utilities. Every cent I made was spent on pot, drinking, dance clubs and clothes. Once in a while I would make a payment to my department store cards, but not often enough. I was irresponsible with a capital I but wanted to think I was mature. After all, I had a great job and was making my way through the corporate world smoothly and sweetly. Or so I thought.

Before getting to that dreaded Friday afternoon when I heard the words, "We are letting you go", let me tell you how I "handled" my financial hole I had dug so beautifully for myself. How do you fix a negative bank balance? You add a credit. Well, my banking skills lacked honesty, integrity and was down right illegal. In small amounts, I would take money from my drawer then deposit it into my checking account to avoid an overdraft. Believe me when I say this was done with every intention on paying it back. "Next paycheck I will get my budget under control and make good with my drawer." Well, you guessed it, that paycheck never came. Week after week passed and I not only didn't pay it back, but would continue to "borrow" and soon I realized I had stolen over $1700.00. I was able to cover it up by manipulating the paperwork and because I was the only one using my cash drawer, no one knew.

Now we get to the day my boss came to me and said I was fired. I'm sure several curse words ran through my head at that very moment. WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I GOING TO DO??? They were going to count my drawer and see what I had done. I have a HUGE problem on my hands. In a panic, I quickly ran another deceitful transaction through to show my drawer had balanced. The source? A certificate of deposit belonging to my best friend's dad. This time, I'm not messing around. As soon as I get a chance, I will confess to my friend and make it right. After all, it will be much easier paying my friend who's like a sister to me than the bank. She'll understand me.

She asked me to live with her since I was no longer employed and I jumped on the offer. Oh, how I wish I could say I confessed and repented right away but truth is I was scared out of my mind. How in the world had I gotten into this mess? My friend is going to kill me. Time. I just needed more time to think it all through. In the meantime, I continued to drink, smoke and not take any responsibility for my life. Two months had past and I not only failed to come up with a plan to confess, I hadn't saved one penny. Not one! I was truly delusional. Maybe it would all go away. Riiight.

If you don't know how a certificate of deposit, or CD, works, click here. You know how I mentioned it belonged to my friend's dad? Well, he was in prison so I didn't think he'd be needing it anytime soon and I took advantage of the fact that this CD wasn't going anywhere. Another spoonful of reality came the day my friend asked me, "What's the penalty for withdrawing money from the CD before the term ends?" Uh, what? Excuse me? How providential that the sister of dear Daddy needed a small loan to save her business and kind-hearted brother was going to loan it to her. From his CD. You have to be freakin' kidding me!! I about died.

Again, I wish I would have taken this divine moment to confess and repent but I sputtered through some banking advice and went to my room. Okay, Jan, snap out of it. This is your opportunity to tell her the truth! There's no more time, no more waiting. You have to tell her NOW! Now was going to come the next morning before she left for the bank. Imagine the sick feeling I got when I noticed I had missed her. She left before I got up. Insert more curse words.

So, long story short, I was busted. The bank of course reimbursed the CD and I was now back owing them. I was very grateful my friend did not press charges. The bank on the other hand--had no problem. And who blames them. I was a thief. A criminal. A liar.

Thankfully, my sister and husband took me in and I was back in Portland living with them. I cooperated fully with the police. I spent nine hours in jail and made complete restitution. How, you might ask? From mutual funds I had invested in. Don't ask me why I didn't tap into that source before. God really had to get a hold of my heart and the only way I would listen was to be aware of my complete hopelessness.

That summer, God rescued me from darkness. I saw my sin was an offense to His holiness. And it wasn't just the sin of stealing the money from the bank, but every sin I had ever committed condemned me to spiritual death. God showed His glorious grace and mercy by opening my eyes to the work of Jesus on the cross. Jesus lived the life I couldn't live. He died the death I should have died. A line from one of my favorite songs says: "Every bitter thought, every evil deed, crowning your blood stained brow. This the power of the Cross. Christ became sin for us. Took the blame, bore the wrath, we stand forgiven at the cross."

A decade later, I am still in awe of His love toward sinners.

This new year I want to see my judgmental heart be melted away into compassion for others who are yet outside the Kingdom. I want to live in a way that shows my kids we are not better than anyone else because we go to church and act a certain way. I want to be a magnifying glass that makes me look small and God look incredibly astronomical.

If you've never come to see your need for a Savior, then you've never seen your sin. Remember, God does not judge you according to your standards but His. Click here to know more. I sincerely hope you do.

Lord bless you this New Year!

What's a blog?

Oh yes, it's that thing you jot down thoughts, quotes, rants, raves, prayers, songs, and the like. It's been so long. Too long.

There have been so many random thoughts going through my mind and I wish I could transfer my brain waves to my computer and the blog would automatically update. :)

Well, who knows if this hiatus will last or if I will get back into a groove. Anticipating my little baby Caleb will either suck all of my time (which is most likely) or I will make time to keep you all updated on the life of a sinner saved by grace.

Celebrating a Day Early

Today, my sweetie surprised me by coming in the door (with the kids) singing Happy Birthday. Here's what they carried in:
A beautiful bouquet of two dozen roses, my favorite chocolates, a balloon that Micah loves to run around the house with, two stylish umbrellas and a very sweet card (not pictured).

They smell wonderful.

When I asked why he was giving me my gifts today and not tomorrow, he said it's the only way to really surprise me. a huh. Sure.

He thought it was today. :) Okay, he wasn't sure if today was the 1st or not. So, at least he doesn't think my birthday is Sept 30. :)

Worship God 09

At approximately 6:04 am PST, I will, Lord willing, be on a flight from Portland to D.C. I will tour the area for two days before heading to the Worship God 09 conference held in Maryland. The conference runs from Wednesday through Saturday and I am very excited about this opportunity to attend.

The longest I've been away from my family is 2 nights. This is going to be a great opportunity (on both sides) to depend utterly upon our Lord. I was so blessed this afternoon at lunch when my father-in-love, mom-in-love, husband, sis-in-love (2 of them) and a bro-in-love held hands and prayed over me and the trip. I so want God to fill me and teach me and mold me during this time.

Click here for a great intro to what it will look like.

Living in a Routine

We are experiencing some really hot days here in Oregon. Not typical for this time of year. As a result, we have stayed indoors mostly and that has resulted into very lazy days.

We don't have central air, but do have units that keep our home cool. I'm actually comfortable. Probably too comfortable. I keep the bedroom doors closed so the units don't have to cool more rooms than necessary and because of that, I don't want to go into by bedroom to do the much-needed laundry.

My poor children have been allowed to view way too many DVD's and I have failed to get dressed. I came across this very timely post from one of my favorite blogs: Simple Mom.

She touches on my problem. I am starting my day without focus, without purpose and more dangerously, without the Lord. I'm a wanderer in my own home.

She gives practical advice and encouragement, along with the tools to be successful.

What do you struggle with as a stay-at-home-mom? Are you lazy like me or are you a slave to your schedule? Either way, we need to remember we are to be keepers at home and tenderly teaching our children the ways of God. Only thing my kids are learning from me right now is how to be on my idol-the computer.

So, I'm logging off now and will try to salvage the rest of this day!

My words have never tasted so...expensive.

Who out there likes eating humble pie? Eating your words is never easy or fun. Especially when it comes with a price tag.

Let me set the stage here. We live off Hwy 26 where the posted speed is 55mph. The signs do not say speed limit, only speed. Because it doesn't say speed limit, the cops are lenient and allow the flow of traffic to be around 60-65-which is regularly.

If you've ever gotten into a conversation with me about the speed limit and my driving habits on Hwy 26, you would hear me boast and brag that I have driven by cops with my cruise control set at 69. Cops with their radar guns out have never pulled us over. (They do ticket when you reach 70 and over...but that's for another post).

Okay, so last month I was driving along my familiar route down 26 and was asking the kids where they wanted to eat lunch. I sort of noticed a cop off the side of the road, but he didn't have anyone pulled over, so I didn't slow down. Another rule here in Oregon is that if you see a cop has pulled someone over, you must move into the other lane (when one is available) or slow down. The cop didn't have anyone pulled over anymore, but had his amber lights on. I cruise by at 69. Big mistake.

Bottom line is, I was supposed to slow down when I saw his lights on. Thankfully, he did not have the red and blue going because that would have warranted a steeper penalty. And, thankfully, he only cited me for speeding and not failure to yield to a police officer.

So, needless to say, I have set my cruise control right around 60 mph and you know what? I haven't lost time. Imagine that. :)

My Dearly Beloved

What would you think if you heard of a married couple who promised each other they would not tell anyone of their honeymoon, because of how horrible it was? You would probably wonder how long they lasted or dread to hear of their misery years later.

Well, I'm here to say that after eight years, those memories of my not-so-fun honeymoon have melted away into gratefulness and praise over the power of God.

On July 7, 2001 I made a vow to love, honor and cherish Douglas Ray Isaacson. After a whirlwind of a day, we were off to beautiful Hood River to spend a week of intimacy, joy and laughter in this quaint Oregon town. Our plans were simple. Spend the week at a Bed and Breakfast, play tennis, hike and just enjoy one another.

We did stay at a B&B, we did play tennis and we did hike. But, let me tell you, it wasn't full of romantic feelings. There was tension as we tried to figure one another out. There was anger at un-met expectations and there was fatigue from being forced to be up and dressed for breakfast by 9:00am every morning. I'm not opposed to getting up, but when you just want to sleep in and take your time, being told missing this free meal wasn't an option, makes for a grumpy new bride.

We fought about so many stupid things, but here's one that is quite comical now. Doug and I had gone up to Lost Lake on Hood River. On the way, I dozed and enjoyed some quiet time. Doug found a fruit stand on the side of the road and decided to buy some freshly picked black cherries. I hate cherries. Okay, I'll take a chocolate dipped maraschino cherry once in a while, but even then, I have my limits. So, Doug proceeds to eat the entire bag. Needless to say, his digestive system had much to say and he could barely stand himself. I was so irritated. This set the mood.

We get to the lake and decide to rent a canoe for 3 hours and venture out onto the water. Now, anyone knows that to really enjoy a canoe ride you must be on stagnant waters. This was my expectation. Lost Lake on Hood River is anything but still. In fact, I thought for sure we were going to tip. I made it clear (in a rather loud voice) that I did NOT want to get wet and I did NOT want to be in the canoe any longer. Oh, we had to at least get a picture of me with Mt. Hood in the background. I forced a fake smile then returned to speak very harshly to my dearly beloved and ordered him to turn us around immediately and get us out of this stupid contraption.

Poor Doug was probably shocked. What had he gotten himself into? All he could do was mutter out a few nervous giggles (which did not help the situation in the least) and try to get us turned around. Fifteen minutes later, we returned the boat.

As I sat waiting for him to join me for our hike around the lake, I realized how wrong I was and needed to truly ask for his forgiveness. Things were going so well. We had a real heart-to-heart. I apologized for my rotten attitude and disrespect and gently asked him to not laugh at me when I need his assurance of being there for me. It seemed to be a real success. But, then I did it. I kept going on and on and on about his shortcomings and what I needed out of him. Well, the poor man could really take no more. He said a few words, walked away and left me standing there. So, Doug hikes Lost Lake alone and I hike Lost Lake alone.

What a honeymoon. We told each other on the way out of town we were not going to tell anyone about our week.

Now, all these years later, we not only tell it, but tell it with a purpose. God has worked in our lives to show us that He created marriage for His glory and purpose. Marriage is not for our pleasure (though there is much to be enjoyed) but, to show the world a picture of Christ and His bride, the church.

I am more in love with Doug today than I was on the alter. And, I know as long as we are submitted to the changing work of God in our lives, we will live many more years growing in that love for one another.

The real solution to peacemaking is to see what the Prince of Peace did in our lives, then pray for the power to live that out with our relationships. When we see what mercy was bestowed upon us, it helps offer mercy to those around us. I know this is much easier said than done. But, I sit here testifying that nothing is too hard for God and He definitely works all things for our good and His glory.

Losing my mind

It's been said that when you become pregnant, you lose brain cells. I believe this is just an old wives' tale, and yet during pregnancy I find myself absent-minded and forgetful. Some would argue this happens outside of pregnancy for me-and I would agree.

Two things come to mind that show my loss in cognitive thinking (I'm surprised I can still recall them) =). The first was an email I sent out to the president of our youth soccer club with a question about scheduling and sent him the girls' DOB's so he would know what club they would be in. He replied back with this: BTW, are the DOBs correct ? 3-30-07 is a 2-year old; and 3-16-05 is a 4-year old. In which I replied: hahahaha...okay, I'm pregnant with our 4th child and I am seriously losing it. I then gave the correct DOB.

The other case, well, I really have no excuse. I'm just a ding dong. I have tried to reference a quote I read from our church bulletin several times now and I have goofed it up twice. And this has been pre and post pregnancy. I can't find the exact quote but the concept is that instead of the church stiff-arming the community, we need to run in, crawl over the rubble and be prepared to get a little dirty. All for the sake of proclaiming the change Christ has made in our lives in hope of growing the church. To those of you who know what quote I'm talking about, realize this is my paraphrase and interpretation.

Okay, well the problem is, the first time I referred to this quote, I was at our ladies Bible study and I said stubble instead of rubble. Funny is an understatement. I'm still chuckling out loud. That was weeks ago. Well, today, a comment made on a previous post pointed out that I wrote rumble instead of rubble. Good grief.

I think I shall move away from that word.

These are the books that sit on my bedside table. My sweetie said I can't buy anymore books from the church's book table until I finish reading the ones I have. Problem is, I'm no bookworm. I didn't enjoy reading when I was younger, and now that there's a desire, I have no time. Go figure.

I just started reading Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris. Although the book is targeted toward teens, the message is not lost on adults. Here's how the authors introduce the idea and message.



I can't go back and change my mis-spent teenage and young adult years, but I can teach my children and the kids around me that God and I expect more than what the world expects. And we can do it together. So, it doesn't matter if you have the teen years still ahead of you or if your head hurts thinking back that far, it's never too late to do hard things for the cause of Christ and glory of God.

Unintentional Break

It's been a while since I've been inspired to write anything and I'm thinking this isn't the first time I've said this. There do seem to be a thousand things swirling through my brain, though.

One thing I've really enjoyed lately is listening to Mark Driscoll's sermon series on 1 & 2 Peter. Check it out here.

I'm slowly making my way through four different books: Practical Theology for Women, Seeing & Savoring Jesus Christ, A Gospel Primer and The Beatitudes. All are not large books and easy to read. But, there is a lot of biblical truth in them that I often find myself unable to move on until I have really pondered what I just read.

That leads me to say I have really been slack on meditating and studying God's Word. I long for the day when I will just sit at Jesus' feet and see the fullness of God's beauty face-to-face and my lazy, sinful self will be done away with.

But perseverance is a rewarding thing. My children remind me of my need to know the Word of God. My imperfect husband reminds me of the forgiveness of Jesus Christ. And, my own sinful heart reminds me of my inability to change. Therefore, I will continue to savor Christ, read and drink of His Word and learn as much as I can this side of eternity.

Sharing the Gospel in a Most Humble Way

This past Saturday, I found myself in an embarrassing situation. It started when I decided to get the girls' hair cut.

Pigtails and Crewcuts is a children's salon I spotted several months ago while sitting in the parking lot waiting for my sweetie to return from R.E.I. When the time came for Emily and Lydia to get their hair cut, I was excited to take the girls in to this establishment. Everything about it seemed a perfect way to treat my girlies. Mommy and daughter time. Oh, and Nana time, she was with us. A girl's day out.

So, I call to make an appointment and was told they don't make appointments but if I call on my way in, she'll put our names on the list. Okay, this sounds great. I call when I am ten minutes out and get on the list.

Before coming in, I had shown pictures of other locations to Emily and Lydia and so they are excited too. The idea of getting to sit in your choice of vehicle and watch a movie while you get your hair cut was too cool!

Here we go hand-in-hand off to have some fun at Pigtails and Crewcuts. Even the name puts a smile on my face. That smile soon turned to pursed lips soon after walking through the doors. As we enter, I am met with a forced smile from the receptionist and have a clipboard shoved at me informing me I need to fill this out. So, I do. No thank you when I hand it back and no indication that someone will be with us soon. My biggest disappointment here is that my kids weren't greeted.

There were two stylists, both busy. One was finishing up and the other maybe about half-way through. We sit and wait. And wait. And wait. When the first stylist had finished, I notice she disappears. Hair is still on the floor from her client and there's no sign of her. Anywhere. The receptionist then leaves and I notice her down the hall and out back smoking. Nice. I sure hope she doesn't bring that breath in to my children. Thankfully, she's only the receptionist. Well, moving on.

By this time the second stylist has finished and I have waited over 15 minutes without one person talking to me. Oh, except the friendly clientele. In the meantime, the receptionist has cleaned the first station and does a good job putting things back in place and wiping things down. Then, I get the shocking question, in an I'd-rather-be-somewhere-else-tone, Okay, who's going to be first? Oh, nuh-uh. We did not just sit here for a very long time being ignored to have my girls go one at a time causing an even greater delay in my day. "We are on a time schedule. I was under the impression both of my girls could get their hair done at the same time," I say. "Well, the other stylist is on break," she says. HELLO!! Could she not have told me that when she walked away? Wouldn't it have been nice to say, "Thanks for waiting, she'll be with you in a moment." To say I was irritated is an understatement. I'm big on customer service. My wait time can be tolerated if you just smile and let me know what's going on.

This is when my flesh and all my warm fuzzy expectations that just got squashed take control. The gal on break comes out after hearing me complain to the others that I have waited a long time and I thought the girls could go together. When she comes out, I hear in a rather fake, forced voice, "Oh, look, here she is now." No way am I going to be the cause of this poor woman missing her much needed break. I've worked retail. I understand the need to step away. I do not hesitate to tell them that from the moment I walked in I felt as if we had interrupted a private party and that I was not impressed with their customer service. I waited too long and we were not staying. I take my children and we leave. All the way to the car I'm getting, "Mommy, how come we're not staying?" I reply sharply, "Because those women weren't very nice."

Huh. Who's not being very nice here? All of a sudden I have a wave of convicting thoughts. Look at how you have just behaved, I hear. I must go back in and apologize to those women. My mom says she is going to wait in the car so it's me and my girls. I take a deep breath, ask the Lord for wisdom and enter back into the salon where the three ladies were chatting and I genuinely apologize for my behavior. I should not have gotten so upset and been so rude but most importantly I tell them, "I am a Christian and what I did was not glorifying or honoring to God and that's what my life is about." Silence.

I then ask if they would please cut my daughters' hair? They smiled and said they'd be happy to. Smiles were still forced and I'm not sure they enjoy their jobs but when they finished (both girls got to go together), I thank them and apologized once more. One tells me it's fine, we all have our days. To that I replied, "It's just a reminder to me at how imperfect I really am and how grateful I am to Jesus Christ who took my punishment on the cross." To the receptionist I also apologize and she says it was just a misunderstanding. To her I say again, "I'm reminded at how I mess up and need the work of Jesus Christ."

This is not my ideal way of showing my faith but boy, is it the most honest real way. Yesterday, it was a great day to be in the house of the Lord. The message reminded me that the gospel of Jesus Christ is unstoppable because Jesus is alive and working. The gospel is spread abroad by the working of the Holy Spirit through His people. I don't want the ladies of that salon or you, the reader, to see a woman who had a case of guilty conscience and did a good thing by coming back in. On the contrary. I want them and you to see a hopeless sinner who serves a mighty God. I hope they are curious about this person mentioned, Jesus Christ and ask themselves, what does it mean that He took the punishment. I can only trust in the working of the Holy Spirit to take my fumbling words and open hearts as He so chooses.

I will be back to Pigtails and Crewcuts and hope to always bring in the light of Christ and the Love of God.

It had been years since I ventured out on Black Friday. I'll admit there was a little bit of excitement at the thought of getting good deals on my Christmas gifts so this past Thanksgiving weekend, my sister-in-law and I got up early and headed in to mingle with the other crazy holiday shoppers.

The story I'm about to share is not so much about shopping but about cancelled debt. But first some groundwork. Okay, Becky and I go into Macy's as I want to buy my sweetie a dress coat. Well, I found one. A really nice one. The price tag? $350.00. Ouch. That's definitely not in my budget. Then I see a sign that says 50% off. Okay, a little better. Then another sign. Take an additional 10% off if you open a Macy's credit card. And an additional 15% for using your card on this particular day. Alright, I might be able to do this. Now, let me interject here that Doug and I are on a debt-free path. We don't use credit cards. If you look in our wallets you'll find a debit card, Costco card and a library card. Well, at least in mine. Doug is allergic to books. Okay, and a Taco Del Mar punch card but I'm getting off track. Point is, we use cash for everything and on one other occasion, I opened a store credit account to receive the introductory savings and had it paid off before the bill came in the mail. That's who we are.

Well, that's who I am now. But it wasn't always that way and that brings me back to my story. So, here I am with a handsome new black dress coat for my best friend for Christmas. I cheerfully lay down my purchase at the register and am greeted by and even cheerier cashier and I tell her I would like to apply for the Macy's store credit card. We smile our way through the process and I listen to how crazy it had been earlier in the morning as we await the results and get an approval code. My smile soon faded as I find out that I was denied credit. Excuse me. What? How can I be denied? I know this isn't a case of no credit looks like bad credit because I have open credit cards with zero balances. But, not too many that I look like a liability. I knew how the credit process worked, I was in banking for six years. This doesn't make me an expert but I was definitely taken aback by the discouraging news. Well, the still smiling cashier rummages through her pile of newspapers and finds a coupon that grants me a 10% savings so I can still buy the coat. Thank you, cheery Macy's worker.

Now, I'm on a mission to find out why I was denied. Actually, I forgot about it until the letter came that said, you recently applied for credit...blah, blah, blah...you were denied...blah, blah, blah...here's the number you can call to find out why you're such a loser. LOL. Okay, I dial the number and find out that back in 1994 I had a charge of $159 and some change on a Meier and Frank card and the last payment received was in 1995. Oh yes, back in 1994. I had graduated from High School and went crazy with credit. I wasn't surprised at the charge, I was surprised it was still showing up. This debt shouldn't be there. I seriously thought I had covered all my past debts, including the ones that went to collection agencies, in the summer of 1999 when I was graciously given a debt consolidation loan from my employer at the time, South Umpqua Bank. How did we miss Meier and Frank. And what about the seven year rule? Or even the ten year rule? Apparently, those rules don't apply to Meier and Frank, now known at Macy's. The debt is not active, meaning they aren't trying to collect on it, but as long as it shows on their record, I can't get a credit account. Ever.

This made me think about my debt to Creator God. My sin is an offense to His Holy nature. I deserve to be punished forever in a literal lake of fire because of my rebellion and hatred to His law. I was dead in my sins. I owed a debt that I couldn't pay. Even an eternity in hell wouldn't satisfy God's demand for righteousness.

Oh, but praise be to God almighty that He plucked me out of my hopeless state. Glory to God that Jesus Christ became the One who paid a debt He didn't owe on my behalf. Colossians 2:13-14 soothes the weary soul. And you, who were dead in your trespasses...God made alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with it's legal demands. This He set aside, nailing it to the cross. Hallelujah! And Psalm 103:12, As far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us.

My sin is no longer on the record books. Even when I continue to sin! Jesus paid it all. I will never be denied my access to God. I will never receive a letter that reminds me of my mistakes and sin. Jesus Christ redeemed me. He purchased my life with His own. He died so that I could go free. Oh, the unexplainable joy and gratitude that fills my heart. No wonder we will have an eternity to praise the Lamb.

One last thought. I heard this from John MacArthur. He said, "Folks may admit they aren't perfect. But what they need to see is the sin in their good." Nothing we do on our own will merit favor with God. What are you trusting in? Unless you see yourself as a broken sinner running as fast as you can toward destruction, in need of a Savior, the wrath of God still abides on you. John 3:36, "Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him."

Come to the One who absorbed that wrath and claim the promise, "For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:9

Huh. Imagine That.

Spills, like, oh I don't know, spaghetti sauce for example, clean up much easier if you clean the mess before it hardens and sticks to your counter.

Can anyone say lazy?

It's clean now but I think it will take some time for my fingers to regain their natural dexterous skills.

Re-Post: What to do with Halloween

I got the following email shortly after taking down my post on Halloween and putting up my retraction:

Jan, I wish you hadn't taken down the post. It was a good discussion. You presented a very commonly held, and not hateful view that probably many people agree with. It was mostly positive. I highlighted a few phrases which I thought were the pillars of your argument, to see if they held up.
Twas a good discussion...I think others might have posted as well. No rush, but you might consider reposting it and adding your "retraction" statement as a comment to clarify that you do not wish to look pious at all.

It was a good discussion and continues to be although the election and God's sovereignty has trumped my discussion on a day that has come and gone. Nonetheless, I want to post it for two reasons. Maybe three. One is that it will save me the time to send it out the people who want to read it. Two, it gives me something to link to if the need arises and three I really want to see what others think. As I teach my kids why we do what we do, I want to show them how to continue to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Savior, Jesus Christ. This comes in the form of being convinced in our own hearts. So, here it is for the last time.

Autumn is my favorite time of year. I love the changing colors of the leaves that are in stark contrast to the evergreens that surround us. Fall leads us into Thanksgiving and onto Christmas. But first we must stagger through Halloween.

As a child, I remember this "holiday" as a day of dressing up as some innocent character and spending an evening at our church Harvest Party. No costumes could be ghoulish or gory and so if you stayed away from witches and monsters, it was okay. Nothing scary was allowed. One year I remember going trick-or-treating by way of shuttle courtesy of my mom as she drove to houses we knew. We then took our candy to the hospital, where my mom worked, and it was placed under x-ray making sure the morsels were safe to consume. Not sure if the exposure to radiology did any damage.

When I was about 12 or 13, our church at the time threw a Haunted House in the church!! We went through "cobwebs", stuck our hands in "eyeballs", and I saw my mom beheaded. It made such an impact on me that I ran out crying. It freaked me out. Talking to my mom about it today, she doesn't remember this. I will never forget.

When I attended a community college, I went out with two or three other friends one Halloween in attempts to get candy by going door-to-door but realized we were too old and figured sweets were only handed out to kids who had costumes. We didn't fit either one. Instead, we walked around the neighborhoods well after midnight and took pumpkins off doorsteps and dropped them on sidewalks. We thought we were being clever because there was a rock group in the mainstream at the time called The Smashing Pumpkins. We walked through a cemetery showing one another that we didn't think much of this night and even talked candidly about rituals that probably go on in cemeteries across the globe. Thankfully, we saw nothing but grey tombstones and heard nothing more than the crunching leaves under foot.

So, what's the point in all this? Well, the Lord has brought me on a journey as to how to deal with this day. The first Halloween after becoming a believer, I lived with my sister and her family. I was so adamant that her kids not go trick-or-treating but instead we would give out candy. My sis relented. I think she too was on a journey and wanted to truly honor the Lord. Problem is, it was done with such harshness and in my heart I was so judgmental to those who came to our door. It was like I had elevated myself above them by being on the inside of the door frame.

Later, after getting married and having a home of my own, Doug and I decided to hand out candy with tracts. We had some friends over and enjoyed their company very much. This was fine, I guess, but still there was something nagging inside me about the attitude I was harboring. Can God really be glorified in all of this? That was the year I heard about Reformation Day. More on that later.

In talking to others, I've found that there are a number of ways believers recognize this day. You know, make some fun memories for the kids. One family had a great reputation with their neighbors until Halloween came around. These well meaning believers went inside, turned off their lights and ate pizza with friends and then they were deemed "the weird neighbors." After that, they opened their home and entertained the neighbors with a chili feed. In Arizona, this was definitely doable. But the point is, they didn't stand at arms length but invited people into their home and celebrated fall/harvest and the changing of seasons (though this had to be done with synthetic leaves as you could imagine in the desert.) Another mom told me they don't let their kids go door-to-door to ask for things 364 days of the year, why do it on this day. This is coupled with the explanation that as Christians, they are to do all things that bring God glory. A good friend of mine who is a new believer said very simply, why would I want to celebrate a pagan holiday. Others I know of, allow their kids to dress up and participate at school where no scary things are allowed and have peace about that. Some allow their kids to gather candy but at the non-scary houses.

These last several years, Halloween has really come and gone and I haven't given much thought to it. We moved to the country where nobody comes to trick-or-treat and my kids haven't had a clue. Until now.Emily is now five and Lydia is three with Micah right behind them at 17 1/2 months. They are starting to pay attention. Times have changed where Halloween is anticipated, decorated for in the most elaborate ways and celebrated without much thought that it is a pagan holiday that celebrates wickedness.

The bible says, God purchased us by the blood of His Son to redeem us from all unrighteousness. Those who know God know that we were bought with a price and therefore serve Him. God loves us with a jealous kind of love. So, as I raise my kids to love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul and mind, how can I compromise and allow them to be a part of a day that rejoices in evil?

So, when we go into the world and are greeted with a cherry Happy Halloween, I simply smile as if I'm saying, "Yes, I would love to come to tea", tell them very politely, "oh, we don't do Halloween." I have never received any negative remarks or downcast eyes. Even if I did, it wouldn't change the joy I have in my heart that I can show my children that there is no room for compromise. There are too many things already that get in our way and become idols that lure us away from loving God with all our hearts. Why complicate it with a day that celebrates the dead, wicked and anything evil? October 31st is a day in which we celebrate Reformation Day and I will post on this Friday. I'd like to hear from you. What are your thoughts about Halloween? I'd love to hear your journey of how the Lord convicted you to do what you do and please include scripture.
Posted by Janice at 12:50 PM Labels: About Me, Christian Living

All comments that were made to the original post will be posted under comments.

My Cup Runneth Over

It is the end of another day. The kids are in bed, the dishes are done (thanks, Nana) and I don't have a pile of laundry on my bed waiting to be shuffled to the couch so I can have a place to sleep. I am so incredibly blessed. As I look back at the last couple of days, I'm reminded anew of how great my God is and how small I am. His loving kindness does not end and as He reveals Himself to me, I am in awe that He would choose to save me and not only redeem me, but continue to work in me with love and patience even when I mess up. There are many vessels and avenues God uses to sanctify me and the one He used today was my dearest friend, my husband.

My dear hubby is married to the worst person I know. I was gone last week from Thursday afternoon to Saturday early evening learning, laughing and crying with the ladies of my church as we retreated in beautiful Lincoln City, OR. This ladies retreat was built on the study of Titus 2. In this familiar passage, we are exhorted as women to love our husbands with a tender, passionate kind of love. A phileo kind of love. This is particularly hard because sometimes I get caught up in serving and miss out on cultivating tender thoughts and cherishing my Sweety.

Today was no exception and I'm not ashamed to show my sinful side because grace abounded more and the longer you know me, you'll see the sinful side yourself as I am still being molded and shaped to come into the presence of my great God and King.

Okay, so here's how it went. While I was away at the retreat, Doug decided to surprise me by adding some much needed cabinets in our utility room for added storage. We are simplifying our home and this storage is needed for the large supply of paper towel and toilet paper rolls we get from Costco-among other things. It will get things off the floor and behind clean, white doors. So, Doug installed the cabinets, cleaned the floor and waited with eagerness to show off his hard work.

His hard work was greatly appreciated when I came home from a sleep-deprived weekend. It looked so neat and clean and I was very impressed at his efforts. That was Saturday. Sunday came and went with godly conversations and heart-to-heart talks on what I learned at the retreat and how excited I was to put some things into action and even this morning we had a wonderful time of prayer together before going about our busy Monday. Then, I heard the bomb. Doug informs me that in his installing/cleaning frenzy, he failed to bring in several items from the utility room back indoors...out of the rain...Great, now my schedule is all janked up because of him.

Grrr! All the loving, warm thoughts I had for my husband were gone. The closeness I felt from prayer-vanished. I was livid. I'm out in the cold pulling in cleaning supplies, a pack-in-play, goodwill items that were in a bag, a silver-plated cake stand, shelves, and a bag of keepsakes that were baby cards and drawings from the girls. This is what put me over the edge. I didn't hesitate to tell Doug that his efforts were careless and reckless. I pulled them in, and sharply told my mom that they needed to dry out as she asked what she could do to help.

I remember specifically saying out loud, I do not want to forgive him. The Lord then asked, "What would you do if I said that to you?" But Lord you did forgive me. "So then, you must forgive Doug." I can't! Please help me, I say. Just then my friend Jennifer calls and I lament to her at how angry I am and yet how I desire to do what's right. It's hard I tell her. I know I need to forgive the way Christ forgave me but that's not some magic formula that works instantly. She was very wise to advice me to let it cool and pointed out that sometimes in these situations she has found that she has been at fault once she gave time to think about it. I quickly concluded that it wasn't my fault. I was out of town.

Now, you may wonder what the big deal is. So he forgot to bring in a few things. They dry, right? And so what if you lose out on a few keepsakes? There will be more. Well, I'd say to you that you have a lot more self-control than I do but that's slowly changing. You see, as I went to the table to see what damage was done I noticed that a.) the papers were bone dry and b.) this is the part where God really does a work in my heart...it wasn't my bag of keepsakes. It was garbage!! Yep. I lost it over trash. There were drawings in there but not ones worth keeping. I'm up to my eyeballs in precious scribblings from my children. What I must have seen was the colorful bag the cards used to be kept in and the decorative Build-A-Bear birth certificates that made me think it was a bag of treasure.

Oh, the shame of it all. Thankfully (and I don't use that word lightly here) I have a gracious husband who allowed me to sincerely apologize without making me feel worse than I did and two that I have a loving, forgiving, heavenly Father. He keeps His promises when I pray for Him to work in my life so that I become the wife he wants me to be.

How I love to end a day without shame. Without guilt. Confession is good for the soul.

Laziness

Okay, it's one thing for your laziness to affect yourself, but when that laziness affects those you love, well...it makes you feel terrible.

Such a feeling came over me this week. I took Emily, my five-year-old, to the dentist. This was her second time going in and they did x-rays this time around and found decay. I was bummed because I am the one who brushes her teeth. But we don't floss. So, sure enough she had a cavity at the back molar between the teeth. Had I flossed her teeth regularly, I'm sure she wouldn't have a cavity. She hasn't complained about pain and the hygienist said it's a very small amount of decay. I hate that word-decay. So, we headed off to Target and bought some ACT mouthwash and these great little flossers for kids. They're neon colored and are very easy to use. Mind you this will increase our bedtime routine by several minutes. But, I'm convinced the oral health of my children is more important than my time.

Here is a video of my little Micah Man(17mos) getting his teeth brushed:

Remember, floss 'em or soak 'em. Courtesy Chris Merkel. :o)