The Power of the Cross

Do you see your name written in His wounds?
Are you forgiven at the cross?

I want the tears to come again

Sunday afternoon I thought about this coming Sunday being Easter, a day we celebrate Christ's work on the cross, and I was sad that it didn't do much in my heart. I wasn't doubting my spiritual state, but recognized I had become dry in what it means. I haven't forgotten the desperate condition I'm in without Jesus because I do find myself slowly walking the christian walk of faith and repentance. But there was a time I had cried over John 19 and I wanted those tears to come again. I want my heart to rejoice every day, not just one Sunday a year. But it just wasn't there. Until today...

In my twitter feed, I saw this video:



Then I thought about John 19 and how it doesn't end there. Christ is risen! He conquered death and gave us life.

And the tears came.

Hallelujah, what a Savior!

Prepare your heart now for this Sunday. Seek to marvel in Christ's work today when you are dealing with laundry, crying babies, stress at work, strain in relationships...you name it. If you are a child of the King you are not lost in His love for you. Another quote from my facebook feed: Though grief comes, God will show compassion, so great is the Spirit's unfailing love in your life. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Lamentations 3:32 & 1 Cor 13:7.

Maybe you are on top of the world, so-to-speak, and life couldn't be any better. Marvel still. One of the elders of my church asked a question along the lines of this: "What does the resurrection mean to you?" Today I saw that the resurrection shows me my self-exalting, self-sufficient, all-about-me-and-my-flesh attitude, then crushed it beneath the cross. The resurrection brings life and freedom. My best day is because of God's grace. My worst day is still ordained by my gracious God. Let us not forget why we celebrate Easter.

Here's to a great week in preparing for the celebration of the most glorious day the world has ever seen.

Because Life is Priceless

Each year thousands of women face unwanted pregnancies. I'm so thankful for places like Pregnancy Resource Centers that help these women, and the men in their lives, walk through these difficult situations.

I was excited to receive a flyer advertising this year's PRC's Steps for Life walkathon. Last year I walked with my kids (well, Emily and I walked while I pushed Lydia and Micah in the stroller) and we loved it. When Emily saw the flyer she remembered the walk and asked again why we did this. She had heard what abortions were before (on her maturity level) and it satisfied her curiosity at the time. Yesterday she wanted to know more. What I have always told her was simple: sometimes a woman gets pregnant and doesn't feel like she can take care of the baby and thinks it's okay to kill the baby. I don't dramatize it, I just lay it out there, but with compassion in my voice. You see, there was a time when I told myself I would have an abortion in a heartbeat if I got pregnant so I know the mindset.

She started to tear up and asked, as if making a comment,: "They do it gently, right? They don't hurt the baby?" At this point I have tears in my eyes. She asked with a plea in her voice wanting to hear me say yes. I had to say no. It was almost a whisper. We cried together. I then looked at her with a smile and said this is why we do this walk. I went on to tell her what PRC does for women and unborn babies. I asked if she wanted to pray with me. We bowed our heads and through tears we praised God for creating life and for places like PRC who bring, most importantly, the hope of Jesus Christ. I praised Him for changing the way I thought about life, rejoicing at my new heart in Him. Emily looked at me and still crying said, "Thank you for not killing me." Bless her heart. God's grace is evident by my changed viewpoint. Life is priceless.

So, if you are available May 15th, join me and hundreds of others who walk for babies. See the promo here and look closely at the little girl getting a pink flower painted on her cheek. That's my Emily. :)

http://www.stepsforlife.info/

And if you want to sponsor me, please visit my PRC webpage here: https://www.gifttool.com/athon/ParticipantAreaMyWebPage?ID=1383&AID=1034

10 years ago I was...

...partying hard. Y2K was in the back of everyone's mind, I was working my up the corporate ladder, I loved living in Portland and I was really happy with my life. I had great friends and thought life could only get better. I spent New Year's back in southern Oregon, where I had grown up, around a bonfire getting drunk and smoking marijuana. Before making my way there, I had stopped off at my local hangout where I danced, drank and handed out "Y2K OK" stickers. These stickers were placed on the computers of the bank I was working at to ensure our customers we were in fact, ready for the millennium and the customer's money was indeed safe. Y2K OK. I sure thought I was okay, but life would never be the same in the year 2000 and would be changed forever.

It didn't take long for me to get a strong dose of reality. In January of this new wonderful start to the 21st century, I was fired from my job. Seriously? Me, get fired? Looking back I can see that I was insubordinate, lazy, disorganized and very prideful. I had come to Portland to open a new bank and I was proud as a peacock. My love for the nightlife that city living offered took control and my performance at work showed I was more interested in partying than being an asset to the company.

I wish I could say that was my only problem. Going to clubs several nights a week isn't cheap. To say I had financial problems is an understatement. I had no concept of money. Before moving to Portland I did not have to pay rent, make a car payment or pay any utilities. Every cent I made was spent on pot, drinking, dance clubs and clothes. Once in a while I would make a payment to my department store cards, but not often enough. I was irresponsible with a capital I but wanted to think I was mature. After all, I had a great job and was making my way through the corporate world smoothly and sweetly. Or so I thought.

Before getting to that dreaded Friday afternoon when I heard the words, "We are letting you go", let me tell you how I "handled" my financial hole I had dug so beautifully for myself. How do you fix a negative bank balance? You add a credit. Well, my banking skills lacked honesty, integrity and was down right illegal. In small amounts, I would take money from my drawer then deposit it into my checking account to avoid an overdraft. Believe me when I say this was done with every intention on paying it back. "Next paycheck I will get my budget under control and make good with my drawer." Well, you guessed it, that paycheck never came. Week after week passed and I not only didn't pay it back, but would continue to "borrow" and soon I realized I had stolen over $1700.00. I was able to cover it up by manipulating the paperwork and because I was the only one using my cash drawer, no one knew.

Now we get to the day my boss came to me and said I was fired. I'm sure several curse words ran through my head at that very moment. WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I GOING TO DO??? They were going to count my drawer and see what I had done. I have a HUGE problem on my hands. In a panic, I quickly ran another deceitful transaction through to show my drawer had balanced. The source? A certificate of deposit belonging to my best friend's dad. This time, I'm not messing around. As soon as I get a chance, I will confess to my friend and make it right. After all, it will be much easier paying my friend who's like a sister to me than the bank. She'll understand me.

She asked me to live with her since I was no longer employed and I jumped on the offer. Oh, how I wish I could say I confessed and repented right away but truth is I was scared out of my mind. How in the world had I gotten into this mess? My friend is going to kill me. Time. I just needed more time to think it all through. In the meantime, I continued to drink, smoke and not take any responsibility for my life. Two months had past and I not only failed to come up with a plan to confess, I hadn't saved one penny. Not one! I was truly delusional. Maybe it would all go away. Riiight.

If you don't know how a certificate of deposit, or CD, works, click here. You know how I mentioned it belonged to my friend's dad? Well, he was in prison so I didn't think he'd be needing it anytime soon and I took advantage of the fact that this CD wasn't going anywhere. Another spoonful of reality came the day my friend asked me, "What's the penalty for withdrawing money from the CD before the term ends?" Uh, what? Excuse me? How providential that the sister of dear Daddy needed a small loan to save her business and kind-hearted brother was going to loan it to her. From his CD. You have to be freakin' kidding me!! I about died.

Again, I wish I would have taken this divine moment to confess and repent but I sputtered through some banking advice and went to my room. Okay, Jan, snap out of it. This is your opportunity to tell her the truth! There's no more time, no more waiting. You have to tell her NOW! Now was going to come the next morning before she left for the bank. Imagine the sick feeling I got when I noticed I had missed her. She left before I got up. Insert more curse words.

So, long story short, I was busted. The bank of course reimbursed the CD and I was now back owing them. I was very grateful my friend did not press charges. The bank on the other hand--had no problem. And who blames them. I was a thief. A criminal. A liar.

Thankfully, my sister and husband took me in and I was back in Portland living with them. I cooperated fully with the police. I spent nine hours in jail and made complete restitution. How, you might ask? From mutual funds I had invested in. Don't ask me why I didn't tap into that source before. God really had to get a hold of my heart and the only way I would listen was to be aware of my complete hopelessness.

That summer, God rescued me from darkness. I saw my sin was an offense to His holiness. And it wasn't just the sin of stealing the money from the bank, but every sin I had ever committed condemned me to spiritual death. God showed His glorious grace and mercy by opening my eyes to the work of Jesus on the cross. Jesus lived the life I couldn't live. He died the death I should have died. A line from one of my favorite songs says: "Every bitter thought, every evil deed, crowning your blood stained brow. This the power of the Cross. Christ became sin for us. Took the blame, bore the wrath, we stand forgiven at the cross."

A decade later, I am still in awe of His love toward sinners.

This new year I want to see my judgmental heart be melted away into compassion for others who are yet outside the Kingdom. I want to live in a way that shows my kids we are not better than anyone else because we go to church and act a certain way. I want to be a magnifying glass that makes me look small and God look incredibly astronomical.

If you've never come to see your need for a Savior, then you've never seen your sin. Remember, God does not judge you according to your standards but His. Click here to know more. I sincerely hope you do.

Lord bless you this New Year!

Celebrating Jesus

Learning to submit to our husbands is not easy. Any woman will admit there are areas that are easier to submit to than others. My husband is very easy going and I know he loves me deeply. He lets me get my way (in a healthy way) most of the time. If there are two events to choose from, he's pretty good about letting me pick the one we should attend.

Tonight, being Christmas Eve naturally there were a couple of things we could do. One option was to join our church family at a member's home and celebrate with our friends. The other was to attend the church in our little town of Banks and fellowship there. I was definitely voting for the former. I love people and parties and celebrating holidays with those I know and love. Going to a local congregation did not appeal to me because I knew I wouldn't know anyone there. This church however, has members and attendees that Doug knows from his childhood. Growing up in Banks that makes sense, right? Well, forget about Doug. I want to go to a place where I know the people and where I can have a good time. See how incredibly selfish I am?

Thankfully, my husband said no to my request to party at the Bauman's and insisted we attend the candlelight service at Dayspring Church. And boy am I glad he did. I was so blessed tonight as we were surrounded by people who celebrated Jesus. The music was joyful, yet spoke a message. The admonition from the pastor was loving but purposeful. I heard the gospel tonight and rejoiced in it.

As we closed the service with our candles in hand, the song we sang was Shine Jesus Shine. What a great way to end this night with our minds focused on the work of the Son, the One who overcame the darkness of sin! Here are the lyrics. May you rejoice in the Light of the world tomorrow and celebrate the birth of our risen Lord and Savior.

Lord the Light or Your Love is shining,
In the midst of the darkness shining,
Jesus light of the world shine upon us,
Set us free by the truth You now bring us,
Shine on me. Shine on me.

Shine Jesus shine
Fill this land with the Father's glory
Blaze, Spirit blaze,
Set our hearts on fire
Flow, river flow
Flood the nations with grace and mercy
Send forth Your word
Lord and let there be light.

Lord I come to Your awesome presence,
From the shadows into Your radiance,
By the blood I may enter Your brightness,
Search me, try me, consume all my darkness,
Shine on me. Shine on me.

As we gaze on Your kindly brightness.
So our faces display Your likeness.
Ever changing from glory to glory,
Mirrored here may our lives tell Your story.
Shine on me. Shine on me.

The Authenticity of our Faith

I can completely and totally relate to this video. My words said one thing, but my actions revealed the reality of my heart. The object of my faith was a prayer, a ritual and a delusional view of the christian walk. I compared myself to others, and even mimicked what they said. My heart was deceived and I was on a fast track to hell.

But, praise be to our Everlasting Father, who sought me and plucked me out of this darkness. My testimony was ripped to shreds in light of scripture. He revealed Himself to me and I crumbled under the weight of lies I was living under. I ran to the Savior.

Watch this video and evaluate what your faith is in. Is it in an idea, an action, a prayer? Are you suppressing the truth-fearful of what others might say?

Jeremiah 17:9 says our hearts are deceitful above all else and desperately sick or wicked. Don't be fooled, God will not be mocked. See God as who He is: Holy. See yourself as who you really are: destitute and full of all kinds of wickedness. Then, see the Savior: the One who lived the life we were suppose to live and received the punishment we should have received.

Amazing grace.

How Deep

It's hard to think of celebration and death in the same sentence. When remembering one who has past away, it might be said the funeral will be the time to celebrate their life but with great heartache to be sure. Grieving a loved one or friend who has passed is never easy. I remember crying so hard when my dad past away, I didn't think I could cry anymore. Then I would.

But, let me turn your attention away from sadness and grief of a loved one and turn your attention to the One who died, suffered and endured shame for His people. Tonight at our Good Friday service at church, we were reminded that we should remember Christ's broken body and shed blood with joy. If Christ had not come, we would be lost forever-banished from God, spending an eternity under His righteous wrath.

But, praise be to God that Jesus absorbed the waves of wrath on the Cross so we could go free. The lyrics I'm about to share with you were taken from The Valley of Vision: A collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions and causes me to humbly rejoice at all that Jesus has done so that I might live.

How Deep
You were broken that I might be healed
You were cast off that I might draw near
You were thirsty that I might come drink
Cried out in anguish that I might sing

How deep is Your love
How high and how wide is Your mercy
How deep is Your grace
Our hearts overflow with praise
To You

You knew darkness that I might know light
Wept great tears that mine might be dried
Stripped of glory that I might be clothed
Crushed by Your Father to call me Your own
~Sovereign Grace Music, Valley of Vision album

As the weekend plugs along, don't miss the extraordinary message of the resurrection. Join with me in meditating on these words of life: "And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins." 1 Corinthians 15:17

He is risen, He is risen indeed!

This is my third time listening to this message. Entire message is timely for Christians in America.

Character First or Christ First?

Wanting your kids to have good character is not a bad thing. In fact, I pursued this approach when I thought about raising Emily. But if this is the main focus, the danger in that is the focus is on external behavior and attitudes, and not on the most important target-the heart. Sure, I want my kids to learn dependability, courage, truthfulness, kindness, etiquette, joyfulness, hard work, perseverance, self-control, gentleness, forgiveness, honesty, loyalty, orderliness, serving, responsibility, determination, initiative, decisiveness, and more.

But, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I WANT MY KIDS TO LEARN IS THIS: they have a wicked heart, deceitful above all things and they are full of sin, desirous to live a life completely opposite of these character qualities. And, that sin of selfish rebellion is deserving of God's righteous wrath. Not a popular thing to bring before your kids. We're tempted to tell them stories of Daniel in the lion's den and dare them to be a Daniel-drawing on strength from God. Or the courage of David, as he faced Goliath and had faith in God. Ruth is seen as the loyal daughter-in-law that was blessed as an apparent reward for her faithfulness and determination. But these stories make the wrong person the hero.

The best thing I have learned is to see God's Word as a complete story, not a bunch of moral lessons grouped together. But, one story about One Person. One Savior. The only thing we can relate to in these stories is the complete helplessness, sinful, alienated state we find our characters in. But God, being rich in mercy has saved us in Jesus Christ.

Every story points to Christ. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. He is what reconciles us to our Creator. He is the author and finisher of our faith. The gospel must be God-centered, not man-centered.

And, if God so chooses to open our little ones' eyes, they will learn through the sanctification process to become humble, meek, and loving-you know, all those character qualities we listed above.

This is a much easier process. Live a gospel-centered life, always pointing your kids to the cross and the outward will reflect on the inward transformation. But, beware. If you focus primarily on outward actions, you run a high risk of creating one good bluffer. And what a dangerous place to be-to not know your child's heart.

Lord bless you as you raise your little ones.

Oh, and in no way have I mastered this!! :)

Wheatgrass-Really?

When trials come in your own life or in the life of someone you care about, have you fallen victim to offer help and advice though well-meaning, is really not helpful at all? I sure have. The clip below is a comical look at a serious downfall in the Christian community and one I've been guilty of myself. Oh, I haven't used wheatgrass, but other "pet" remedies. The follow-up clip says it all. And then, the third video is the full sermon. Rejoice in trials. For a believer, this is as bad as it will ever get. We have the hope of eternal life where we will be free from the presence of sin!

What is Love?

"By this we know love, that He (Jesus Christ) laid down His life for us..." 1 John 3:16

"But God shows His love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him, will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are..." 1 John 3:1

Day by Day by Grace by Bob Hoekstra

Truths that spoke to my heart this morning:

Day By Day By Grace Bob Hoekstra January 22, 2009 The New and Living Way

Therefore, brethren, having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He consecrated for us. (Hebrews 10:19-20)

Here, life under the new covenant of grace is described as the "new and living way." This could be contrasted with the "old and dying way" of attempting to live under the old covenant of law. The "newness" of grace is not really a matter of time sequence, because the grace of God actually precedes the law in man's history with God. The "tree of life" in the garden of Eden was God's provision of grace for Adam and Eve. The promises of God to Abraham, given hundreds of years before the law, depended upon the faithful grace of God, not the legal performance of Abraham.

The "newness" of grace is its every day freshness and vitality. Day by day, by the grace of God, fresh measures of life are abundantly available to those who look to the Lord as their supply. This makes life with God fresh and new every day.

Under the old covenant, only one person, the High Priest, could enter into the intimate presence of God, the Holy of Holies. Furthermore, this was only allowed one day a year. Such limited access would certainly "get old" in the hearts of all who hungered after the living God.

Now, under the new covenant of grace, every believer in Jesus, our great High Priest, can confidently approach the Lord personally any moment of every day. "Having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus." Through the shed blood of Jesus Christ, which forgives all of our sins, we can speak to the Lord and enjoy His presence in our lives continually.

Jeremiah gave some early insight into this kind of fresh and vital relationship with God. "Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I hope in Him!'" (Lamentations 3:22-24).

The Apostle Paul wrote profoundly concerning such "newness." "But now we have been delivered from the law, having died to what we were held by, so that we should serve in the newness of the Spirit and not in the oldness of the letter" (Romans 7:6). This the "new and living way." This will never "get old."

O Lord of Life, my heart yearns for this new and living way. O, how I long to dwell in Your presence day by day! Lord, I must confess that every attempt to base intimacy with You on my best performance has always become so old and dying, so stale and lifeless. My soul is stirred with hope in You that You have provided this better way. O Lord, teach me to walk by this new and living way, in the name of Jesus, my great High Priest, Amen.

Sharing the Gospel in a Most Humble Way

This past Saturday, I found myself in an embarrassing situation. It started when I decided to get the girls' hair cut.

Pigtails and Crewcuts is a children's salon I spotted several months ago while sitting in the parking lot waiting for my sweetie to return from R.E.I. When the time came for Emily and Lydia to get their hair cut, I was excited to take the girls in to this establishment. Everything about it seemed a perfect way to treat my girlies. Mommy and daughter time. Oh, and Nana time, she was with us. A girl's day out.

So, I call to make an appointment and was told they don't make appointments but if I call on my way in, she'll put our names on the list. Okay, this sounds great. I call when I am ten minutes out and get on the list.

Before coming in, I had shown pictures of other locations to Emily and Lydia and so they are excited too. The idea of getting to sit in your choice of vehicle and watch a movie while you get your hair cut was too cool!

Here we go hand-in-hand off to have some fun at Pigtails and Crewcuts. Even the name puts a smile on my face. That smile soon turned to pursed lips soon after walking through the doors. As we enter, I am met with a forced smile from the receptionist and have a clipboard shoved at me informing me I need to fill this out. So, I do. No thank you when I hand it back and no indication that someone will be with us soon. My biggest disappointment here is that my kids weren't greeted.

There were two stylists, both busy. One was finishing up and the other maybe about half-way through. We sit and wait. And wait. And wait. When the first stylist had finished, I notice she disappears. Hair is still on the floor from her client and there's no sign of her. Anywhere. The receptionist then leaves and I notice her down the hall and out back smoking. Nice. I sure hope she doesn't bring that breath in to my children. Thankfully, she's only the receptionist. Well, moving on.

By this time the second stylist has finished and I have waited over 15 minutes without one person talking to me. Oh, except the friendly clientele. In the meantime, the receptionist has cleaned the first station and does a good job putting things back in place and wiping things down. Then, I get the shocking question, in an I'd-rather-be-somewhere-else-tone, Okay, who's going to be first? Oh, nuh-uh. We did not just sit here for a very long time being ignored to have my girls go one at a time causing an even greater delay in my day. "We are on a time schedule. I was under the impression both of my girls could get their hair done at the same time," I say. "Well, the other stylist is on break," she says. HELLO!! Could she not have told me that when she walked away? Wouldn't it have been nice to say, "Thanks for waiting, she'll be with you in a moment." To say I was irritated is an understatement. I'm big on customer service. My wait time can be tolerated if you just smile and let me know what's going on.

This is when my flesh and all my warm fuzzy expectations that just got squashed take control. The gal on break comes out after hearing me complain to the others that I have waited a long time and I thought the girls could go together. When she comes out, I hear in a rather fake, forced voice, "Oh, look, here she is now." No way am I going to be the cause of this poor woman missing her much needed break. I've worked retail. I understand the need to step away. I do not hesitate to tell them that from the moment I walked in I felt as if we had interrupted a private party and that I was not impressed with their customer service. I waited too long and we were not staying. I take my children and we leave. All the way to the car I'm getting, "Mommy, how come we're not staying?" I reply sharply, "Because those women weren't very nice."

Huh. Who's not being very nice here? All of a sudden I have a wave of convicting thoughts. Look at how you have just behaved, I hear. I must go back in and apologize to those women. My mom says she is going to wait in the car so it's me and my girls. I take a deep breath, ask the Lord for wisdom and enter back into the salon where the three ladies were chatting and I genuinely apologize for my behavior. I should not have gotten so upset and been so rude but most importantly I tell them, "I am a Christian and what I did was not glorifying or honoring to God and that's what my life is about." Silence.

I then ask if they would please cut my daughters' hair? They smiled and said they'd be happy to. Smiles were still forced and I'm not sure they enjoy their jobs but when they finished (both girls got to go together), I thank them and apologized once more. One tells me it's fine, we all have our days. To that I replied, "It's just a reminder to me at how imperfect I really am and how grateful I am to Jesus Christ who took my punishment on the cross." To the receptionist I also apologize and she says it was just a misunderstanding. To her I say again, "I'm reminded at how I mess up and need the work of Jesus Christ."

This is not my ideal way of showing my faith but boy, is it the most honest real way. Yesterday, it was a great day to be in the house of the Lord. The message reminded me that the gospel of Jesus Christ is unstoppable because Jesus is alive and working. The gospel is spread abroad by the working of the Holy Spirit through His people. I don't want the ladies of that salon or you, the reader, to see a woman who had a case of guilty conscience and did a good thing by coming back in. On the contrary. I want them and you to see a hopeless sinner who serves a mighty God. I hope they are curious about this person mentioned, Jesus Christ and ask themselves, what does it mean that He took the punishment. I can only trust in the working of the Holy Spirit to take my fumbling words and open hearts as He so chooses.

I will be back to Pigtails and Crewcuts and hope to always bring in the light of Christ and the Love of God.

It had been years since I ventured out on Black Friday. I'll admit there was a little bit of excitement at the thought of getting good deals on my Christmas gifts so this past Thanksgiving weekend, my sister-in-law and I got up early and headed in to mingle with the other crazy holiday shoppers.

The story I'm about to share is not so much about shopping but about cancelled debt. But first some groundwork. Okay, Becky and I go into Macy's as I want to buy my sweetie a dress coat. Well, I found one. A really nice one. The price tag? $350.00. Ouch. That's definitely not in my budget. Then I see a sign that says 50% off. Okay, a little better. Then another sign. Take an additional 10% off if you open a Macy's credit card. And an additional 15% for using your card on this particular day. Alright, I might be able to do this. Now, let me interject here that Doug and I are on a debt-free path. We don't use credit cards. If you look in our wallets you'll find a debit card, Costco card and a library card. Well, at least in mine. Doug is allergic to books. Okay, and a Taco Del Mar punch card but I'm getting off track. Point is, we use cash for everything and on one other occasion, I opened a store credit account to receive the introductory savings and had it paid off before the bill came in the mail. That's who we are.

Well, that's who I am now. But it wasn't always that way and that brings me back to my story. So, here I am with a handsome new black dress coat for my best friend for Christmas. I cheerfully lay down my purchase at the register and am greeted by and even cheerier cashier and I tell her I would like to apply for the Macy's store credit card. We smile our way through the process and I listen to how crazy it had been earlier in the morning as we await the results and get an approval code. My smile soon faded as I find out that I was denied credit. Excuse me. What? How can I be denied? I know this isn't a case of no credit looks like bad credit because I have open credit cards with zero balances. But, not too many that I look like a liability. I knew how the credit process worked, I was in banking for six years. This doesn't make me an expert but I was definitely taken aback by the discouraging news. Well, the still smiling cashier rummages through her pile of newspapers and finds a coupon that grants me a 10% savings so I can still buy the coat. Thank you, cheery Macy's worker.

Now, I'm on a mission to find out why I was denied. Actually, I forgot about it until the letter came that said, you recently applied for credit...blah, blah, blah...you were denied...blah, blah, blah...here's the number you can call to find out why you're such a loser. LOL. Okay, I dial the number and find out that back in 1994 I had a charge of $159 and some change on a Meier and Frank card and the last payment received was in 1995. Oh yes, back in 1994. I had graduated from High School and went crazy with credit. I wasn't surprised at the charge, I was surprised it was still showing up. This debt shouldn't be there. I seriously thought I had covered all my past debts, including the ones that went to collection agencies, in the summer of 1999 when I was graciously given a debt consolidation loan from my employer at the time, South Umpqua Bank. How did we miss Meier and Frank. And what about the seven year rule? Or even the ten year rule? Apparently, those rules don't apply to Meier and Frank, now known at Macy's. The debt is not active, meaning they aren't trying to collect on it, but as long as it shows on their record, I can't get a credit account. Ever.

This made me think about my debt to Creator God. My sin is an offense to His Holy nature. I deserve to be punished forever in a literal lake of fire because of my rebellion and hatred to His law. I was dead in my sins. I owed a debt that I couldn't pay. Even an eternity in hell wouldn't satisfy God's demand for righteousness.

Oh, but praise be to God almighty that He plucked me out of my hopeless state. Glory to God that Jesus Christ became the One who paid a debt He didn't owe on my behalf. Colossians 2:13-14 soothes the weary soul. And you, who were dead in your trespasses...God made alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with it's legal demands. This He set aside, nailing it to the cross. Hallelujah! And Psalm 103:12, As far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us.

My sin is no longer on the record books. Even when I continue to sin! Jesus paid it all. I will never be denied my access to God. I will never receive a letter that reminds me of my mistakes and sin. Jesus Christ redeemed me. He purchased my life with His own. He died so that I could go free. Oh, the unexplainable joy and gratitude that fills my heart. No wonder we will have an eternity to praise the Lamb.

One last thought. I heard this from John MacArthur. He said, "Folks may admit they aren't perfect. But what they need to see is the sin in their good." Nothing we do on our own will merit favor with God. What are you trusting in? Unless you see yourself as a broken sinner running as fast as you can toward destruction, in need of a Savior, the wrath of God still abides on you. John 3:36, "Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him."

Come to the One who absorbed that wrath and claim the promise, "For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:9

...the self-sufficient shall be sent empty away.

Even Mary, the mother of Jesus, saw her need for a Savior. Luke 1:46-47 and verse 49 records this: "And Mary said, my soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,..for He who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is His name."

If anyone had room to boast, Mary would be one of them. Read how it's recorded in the Bible: "...the angel Gabriel was sent forth from God...to a virgin...Mary. And he came to her and said, 'Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you...Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High...therefore the child to be born will be called holy-the Son of God.'"

But Mary didn't boast in herself because God opened her eyes to see her need for Him. Here's an excerpt of a commentary found on Bible Gateway of Mary's "Song of Praise."

Mary, animated by Elisabeth's address, and being also under the influence of the Holy Ghost, broke out into joy, admiration, and gratitude. She knew herself to be a sinner who needed a Saviour, and that she could no otherwise rejoice in God than as interested in his salvation through the promised Messiah. Those who see their need of Christ, and are desirous of righteousness and life in him, he fills with good things, with the best things; and they are abundantly satisfied with the blessings he gives.

He will satisfy the desires of the poor in spirit who long for spiritual blessings,

while the self-sufficient shall be sent empty away. (emphasis mine)

Lord, keep me from losing sight of your redeeming plan. Thank you for correcting me when I behave self-sufficiently. Burn in me a desire above all others to live a life in you, through you and wholly dependant upon you.

Three for Thursday

Three topics for today:

Tell people you love Jesus:

These words prompted me to take Desiring God up on an incredible offer to purchase 48 copies of John Piper's book: Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ at a buck a piece plus $20.00 shipping so I can share with others why we celebrate this time of year.

Each year I think most Christians (should be all) want to help their friends and family members not lose sight of the truth behind Christmas. It's all about Jesus. But if you're like me, finding a creative, inexpensive way to do that is, well, challenging.

From the back of the book it says, "John Piper has written this book in the hope that all will see Jesus for who he really is and will come to enjoy him above all else." This really struck a chord on my heart strings. Oh, how I want to have everyone taste and see that the Lord is good.

Even for my own heart I desire to have fresh ammo for my proverbial tool belt that can be used when I doubt, sin, and lose faith. Another quote from the book: "If you don't savor Christ, you haven't seen Christ for who he is." WOW! Do my actions, deeds and words show my children, my neighbors, the world that I'm savoring Christ above all else because I see him? I can see him without really seeing him. I want my spiritual eyes to be opened so that when I savor him, I know I've seen him.

This year, I'll be handing out these books. Maybe I'll have a blog giveaway. So, one of you lucky six people have the chance of getting this great little book. :o)

No matter how you say Merry Christmas this year, do it with passion, boldness and truth.

Earning the right

I am not a good time manager. I try to be organized but I'm lazy. I want to read the Word daily and with purpose but the computer draws me away. These are the reasons I got off Facebook a year or so ago. I would get wrapped up in the Wall, throwing sheep, photos, comments and who is friends with whom. It's so addicting.

Well, in this little break I've realized that getting organized isn't a laborious chore, it's a joyful exercise. Don't get me wrong, it is work but it's the kind of work that has great rewards. Now, let me just say right now that I am certainly no organizing junkie or perfect mom who has it all together. I still waste time and battle laziness. But it's getting easier to recognize it and do something about it.

I can see the working of the Holy Spirit in my life that gently prompts me to yearn more for God than for GMail and blogs. So, what works for me is to "earn the right" to be on the computer. Have I seen what God has to say to me before I run to see who has the funniest status? Have I managed my family before staring at my laptop?

My goal, through the work of the Spirit, is to always sit at Jesus' feet before going to Internet. All are welcome to ask me if I've been in the Word first when you see me online. And if you are reading this before you have opened the Words of Life, may I kindly suggest you turn the computer off and go taste and see that the Lord is good?

One last comment. I'm not sure how long I'll stay on Facebook. The advertisements in the sidebar really aren't the most glorifying to God, are they?

Looking our best

One of my favorite blogs is Simple Mom dot net. She's a minimalist who shares ideas on frugality, organization and great mom tips. Here's a recent post that has some practical, tangible ways to looking our best. These aren't shallow, high-fashion tips straight from the NY runway, but easy-to-do and helpful when we moms don't feel our best. Check it out: http://simplemom.net/10-tips-for-looking-your-best/.

Unmeasured Grace: Book Giveaway! - Heirs with Christ: The Puritans on Adoption

Unmeasured Grace: Book Giveaway! - Heirs with Christ: The Puritans on Adoption

My friend, Loraena, at Unmeasured Grace is giving away a brand new book: Heirs With Christ: Puritans on Adoption. Click here to see the table of contents and chapter one of the book. This book is intriguing to me because when I struggle with sin or struggling to find joy I need to be reminded that I am in the family of God. I am an heir with Christ! There is no condemnation. There is no more wrath. Bask in the glory of that. So, go check out Unmeasured Grace and enter the drawing.

Veteran's Day

I'll admit that in previous years I haven't given much thought into this day. When working for the bank, it was just a day off. I might be thankful momentarily for the service they rendered our country but only to ease my conscience.

Today, I am so thankful that men and women risked their lives for our freedom. We live in a democracy where our voices can be heard. We can give an outcry to injustice. Regardless if my voice isn't part of the majority, I still have a voice. I'm thankful we live in a country free of tyranny. Just yesterday I was reading of conflicts in Congo, Africa where the warlords and greedy, selfish governing officials are keeping food from the mouths of their own people! Praise God that we live in a country where we abound in food.

Today, I am also reminded of another life that was given for our freedom. God's own glory revealed in flesh. His Son, Jesus Christ, laid down His life so that we would be free. Free indeed.

O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth...

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,

the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,

what is man that you are mindful of him,

and the son of man that you care for him?

Psalm 8:1,3,4

Why God chose me to live in America is as baffling to me as to why He would choose to save me. God poured His grace upon us so that we might go out and radiate that glory in all we do and say. Lord bless your day!

The Gospel

What's the gospel? It's the good news. The way of salvation. How I got saved. What others need to hear. What I should preach or proclaim. It's what evangelists yell from the pulpit. It's that one-time event in which I gained access to heaven. hmmm...

This used to be the extent of my understanding of the gospel. I used to discredit my salvation by thinking the gospel was the act of me recognizing Christ died for my sins but now it's up to me to start doing the Christian thing. Yes, I would need the power of the Holy Spirit but the gospel was no longer relevent. When the gospel was preached, I would sigh and endure...thinking, I've heard this before...then I would start praying for all the lost souls in the room to be moved enough to accept Jesus as their Savior. To me, there was little affect on my life. I say little, not none.

Oh, what a different story it is now. The gospel is my LIFE!! I need it day-by-day, moment-by-moment, sin-by-wretched sin. As John Piper put it, (and I'm paraphrasing), we use the cross as a ticket. A bloody ticket to "get us in." Once into heaven, we're home free and free sailing. What do we do with a ticket? We throw it away. Once we've gained access, we're done with it. Christ is NOT our ticket! He is our atoning sacrifice. The Just for the unjust. Our redeemer. Our means of coming to the throne of grace. Words do not begin to describe the awesomeness of who Christ is.


But the word of God does. Once I saw who God is-who He is according to His word and not by my own imagination, then I saw who I was-vile, despicable, a hater of God. Then, I saw who Christ truly is. The One who bore my shame. Bore my wrath. Took my punishment. Now, why would I want to throw that away? I don't.



Take six minutes to listen to the following excerpt: The Gospel in 6 Minutes.



Lord bless you!

On my heart

As mentioned before, I think of a lot of things to blog about but don't take the time to do it. Well, one thing that is really heavy on my heart is the very controversial view of the Doctrines of Grace also known as Calvinism. Now, I personally don't like to say I am a Calvinist because Calvin was a mere man (a sinner) who did some terrible things in his life and when anyone wants to attack the view of the doctrines of grace, he is an easy target. The second reason I don't like the title is because Paul himself warned Christians not to say they are of Paul or Apollos. Believers are to say, "I am of the Lord Jesus Christ."

This is a widely debated topic across the globe and I will be the first to say I am no scholar or theological expert on it. However, I have been convinced in my heart that when I stand before my Savior on the Great Judgement Day, it will be confirmed that I did not place the cloak of righteousness on myself but that it was placed on me by the great mercy and grace of a loving Father. Not because of anything I've done to deserve it, but by His own good pleasure and will.

There is much, much, much to say on this matter and so many have said lots so as not to create a huge debate platform, I just want to share what's on my heart of late concerning this wonderful doctrine of grace.

I've been handed a lot of pamphlets and gotten into some very heated unexpected debates with family members on this topic. Let me stress unexpected. I don't look for the opportunity to discuss this topic and won't finish the conversation if there are underlying tones of anger. I will do my best to convey what I believe if it comes up. I can't help but want to defend my God and Savior. Here's an example. God did not crush His Son just to sit back and say to the world, "Okay, I've done my part now I'm just waiting on you." The Bible is clear that none seek after God and that we are at enmity with Him. So to say that we choose Him is wrong. Secondly and lastly for now, Christ will have His full reward for His sufferings.

Here are some great sermons that have helped me tremendously savor this doctrine:

Click on Session III John MacArthur

God's Particular Love for Election