My Cup Runneth Over

It is the end of another day. The kids are in bed, the dishes are done (thanks, Nana) and I don't have a pile of laundry on my bed waiting to be shuffled to the couch so I can have a place to sleep. I am so incredibly blessed. As I look back at the last couple of days, I'm reminded anew of how great my God is and how small I am. His loving kindness does not end and as He reveals Himself to me, I am in awe that He would choose to save me and not only redeem me, but continue to work in me with love and patience even when I mess up. There are many vessels and avenues God uses to sanctify me and the one He used today was my dearest friend, my husband.

My dear hubby is married to the worst person I know. I was gone last week from Thursday afternoon to Saturday early evening learning, laughing and crying with the ladies of my church as we retreated in beautiful Lincoln City, OR. This ladies retreat was built on the study of Titus 2. In this familiar passage, we are exhorted as women to love our husbands with a tender, passionate kind of love. A phileo kind of love. This is particularly hard because sometimes I get caught up in serving and miss out on cultivating tender thoughts and cherishing my Sweety.

Today was no exception and I'm not ashamed to show my sinful side because grace abounded more and the longer you know me, you'll see the sinful side yourself as I am still being molded and shaped to come into the presence of my great God and King.

Okay, so here's how it went. While I was away at the retreat, Doug decided to surprise me by adding some much needed cabinets in our utility room for added storage. We are simplifying our home and this storage is needed for the large supply of paper towel and toilet paper rolls we get from Costco-among other things. It will get things off the floor and behind clean, white doors. So, Doug installed the cabinets, cleaned the floor and waited with eagerness to show off his hard work.

His hard work was greatly appreciated when I came home from a sleep-deprived weekend. It looked so neat and clean and I was very impressed at his efforts. That was Saturday. Sunday came and went with godly conversations and heart-to-heart talks on what I learned at the retreat and how excited I was to put some things into action and even this morning we had a wonderful time of prayer together before going about our busy Monday. Then, I heard the bomb. Doug informs me that in his installing/cleaning frenzy, he failed to bring in several items from the utility room back indoors...out of the rain...Great, now my schedule is all janked up because of him.

Grrr! All the loving, warm thoughts I had for my husband were gone. The closeness I felt from prayer-vanished. I was livid. I'm out in the cold pulling in cleaning supplies, a pack-in-play, goodwill items that were in a bag, a silver-plated cake stand, shelves, and a bag of keepsakes that were baby cards and drawings from the girls. This is what put me over the edge. I didn't hesitate to tell Doug that his efforts were careless and reckless. I pulled them in, and sharply told my mom that they needed to dry out as she asked what she could do to help.

I remember specifically saying out loud, I do not want to forgive him. The Lord then asked, "What would you do if I said that to you?" But Lord you did forgive me. "So then, you must forgive Doug." I can't! Please help me, I say. Just then my friend Jennifer calls and I lament to her at how angry I am and yet how I desire to do what's right. It's hard I tell her. I know I need to forgive the way Christ forgave me but that's not some magic formula that works instantly. She was very wise to advice me to let it cool and pointed out that sometimes in these situations she has found that she has been at fault once she gave time to think about it. I quickly concluded that it wasn't my fault. I was out of town.

Now, you may wonder what the big deal is. So he forgot to bring in a few things. They dry, right? And so what if you lose out on a few keepsakes? There will be more. Well, I'd say to you that you have a lot more self-control than I do but that's slowly changing. You see, as I went to the table to see what damage was done I noticed that a.) the papers were bone dry and b.) this is the part where God really does a work in my heart...it wasn't my bag of keepsakes. It was garbage!! Yep. I lost it over trash. There were drawings in there but not ones worth keeping. I'm up to my eyeballs in precious scribblings from my children. What I must have seen was the colorful bag the cards used to be kept in and the decorative Build-A-Bear birth certificates that made me think it was a bag of treasure.

Oh, the shame of it all. Thankfully (and I don't use that word lightly here) I have a gracious husband who allowed me to sincerely apologize without making me feel worse than I did and two that I have a loving, forgiving, heavenly Father. He keeps His promises when I pray for Him to work in my life so that I become the wife he wants me to be.

How I love to end a day without shame. Without guilt. Confession is good for the soul.